Tech Layoffs

The psychological impact of waiting to lose your job

I was impacted by layoffs at Meta this week. This is the second round of layoffs I’ve experienced in the last 6 months. In November, the axe dropped suddenly while this time around they gave us about a month notice. If anything, this has been a unique experiment in which approach is better; the cuts you don’t see coming or the ones you are anticipating and more prepared for.

I can’t really say which method I prefer, only that the scenario I find myself in is inherently frustrating and draining. I survived the November layoffs but lost my manager, my former manager, and then my replacement manager left a few weeks after. Then this time around I was impacted and my team was split up and assigned to three different managers. The impact is heavy whether you are impacted or not, all it guarantees is that there is more upheaval and adjustment ahead.

The end of last year was not easy. So I headed into this year hoping things might be a little more stressful than usual but overall stable. Then in March, the news came that another round of layoffs was coming. I did my best to “focus on what I could control” but with about a week until layoffs all the productivity and zen went away and was replaced by anxiety and feeling stuck. The night before was especially difficult as I struggled with whether to sleep and wake up early to wait for the news or just stay up altogether. I got decent sleep, woke up at 4am, and had the email by 5am.

There was a mix of anger, embarrassment, frustration, and relief after I read that my job was being eliminated.

I know layoffs aren’t necessarily a reflection of the person or the work they do, but it’s hard not to feel slighted and disrespected when you are thrown to the curb after giving nearly two years to a company.

I’ve been affected by layoffs before and it is never fun, but these last 6 months have been an actual trend across the tech industry. Losing your job is already extremely stressful, but I’ve always left a job and entered into a fairly robust job market. That is not the case now. Tech is in a weird place, a downturn, and it’s hard to feel good about job prospects when any job you might apply to is at a company that also went through layoffs recently. Not to mention that I’ve moved to Colorado, which took me out of the Bay Area tech hub and limits my job prospects to remote work unless I can find a job in Boulder or Denver. With rolling layoffs across the industry, you also deal with far more competition for the open roles that are out there.

All the pressure of maintaining a fairly high stress, high paying job is enough on its own, but when you have to enter into a job market like this, it adds to the pressure in a way I haven’t quite experienced. I’ve been on the precipice of having to take a bad job to keep going but I’ve never had to actually make that jump. I’ve always figured something out before my finances ran dry. I’ve already made a schedule for my new work week to focus on staying productive and making time for enriching activities that I haven’t had as much time for (writing, music, exercise), optimizing to make sure I don’t have an expectation of applying to jobs for 10-hours a day.

Regardless, it’s all a big shift and one that is difficult to transition to. I spent so much of my early career jumping around and making moves so I could secure the right level and the right role for what I want to do. In the last 5 years I’ve really yearned to be somewhere long term, but my last two stops haven’t worked out that way due more to the company than myself. And that’s a weird place to be! Maybe we were engrained this idea by our parents, but I thought I could settle somewhere for at least 5 years. After all, my parents worked at companies for 10 plus years. Instead, I’m just trying to make it to 2 years at a company before they make major shifts that force me to leave before I wanted to (Twitter) or lay me off because they overestimated their growth (Meta).

Make no mistake, this is a downturn.

The high perks, move-fast-and-break-things, throw money around era in tech is done. This would be fine if the return could mean more stability and predictability. But we are in that middle zone where we have none of it.

Here’s to sailing into stormy seas to find the next fish.