Writers Block
How to start a blog when you can't get out of your head
I’ve spent the better part of 2 years (and really like 8 years before that) trying to get back into writing. There have been so many starts and stops and little moments of inspiration that are quickly dashed by *gesturing toward the world* everything.
There was a divorce and the move from Oregon back to California. There was a new relationship and more children. There was Covid. There was another cross-state move from California to Colorado. There was a really difficult loss of someone we were close to. Then there was another.
And through it all I’ve always visualized it in my head.
I’m going to write a newsletter! It’ll be about this thing! But maybe I can do sections about this other thing? It’ll be weekly. Maybe it’ll be multiple times a week on a different focus area? Substack seems like the place to go. Maybe I should go back to Medium where I felt comfortable for a few years? Ooooh Twitter bought Revue and you can publish newsletters there! Oh, wait, Elon took over and that service is shut down. Wait, Tumblr is making a comeback? Wow! Look at a my old posts. Some of it was some real nonsense but dammit was I consistent. Well maybe I can cross-post to all the platforms.
On and on and on.
If you couldn’t tell by now, I was diagnosed with ADHD during that time. So maybe I could write an ADHD blog? Nah, there are good ones out there already.
Well what about a parenting blog? I have 4 neurodiverse children (3 diagnosed with ASD, 4 with ADHD), while my wife and I both have ADHD ourselves. You should see our prescription pickups! Nah, it’s not the only thing I want to write about and I’m not sure how to share about it yet.
Hmmm, I could write a making music blog? But I just got back into doing that and it’s kind of my little space to escape. I also don’t want to pretend I’m some expert yet. I’m just having fun playing instruments and doing some production stuff.
Okay, I could definitely do a little pop-culture roundup thing! But some weeks I don’t watch a single show, or I tend to play one video game for months. We barely get out to the movies. I have a book backlog that’s as big as an actual library.
Maybe I can do another “white guy working in tech” blog. I can get all into crypto and AI and talk about how I’ve worked for Netflix and Apple and Meta and Twitter and give career tips and start getting super popular on LinkedIn or something.
Okay that last one was definitely never something that crossed my mind.
See, this is how my brain works. It’s perfectionism forcing me into inaction. I probably think more about the things I never get off the ground than the work I actually do every day.
So in therapy recently, we focused in on how to bias toward action. With piano, it’s become a habit of walking into my office and playing for 2-3 mins. And then I naturally walk out and check on what my family is up to. Then maybe I come back in and play for another 5 mins. Some nights I’ll play for 20 mins before I go to bed. With working out, it’s having a structure that can be easily picked up when the urge strikes me. So, I have a weight lifting plan or a cardio plan ready to go when I get the motivation, so I can act on it quickly and not overthink it. Or it’s just walking the dogs so that I can move.
Shit, maybe this is an ADHD blog…
Anyway, my conclusion is that this just needs to be my blog. My mind goes many places and I’m only going to stay engaged if I can indulge in all of that. When I write music I don’t really stick to a genre, I just write what feels like me at the time. So why not apply the same logic to writing? I know the audience and the metrics and all that won’t be the same if I don’t specialize, but that’s not me so I won’t force it.
My life is a ton of data points on an x and a y axis, scattered all over. There’s no line to draw through them other than me, my experience.
“perfectionism forcing me into inaction” oh man you put it into words… feeling very seen and so glad you’re writing again! 🥳