2023 - A Year in Review
A year of challenge, stagnation, and gratitude.
Gratitude.
That’s the word that’s sticking with me as I start writing this recap of 2023. I only arrived here recently, because it certainly hasn’t always felt like a year to be grateful for.
This time a year ago I was going to sit down and write this recap for 2022 and it just didn’t happen. And then the next day I couldn’t muster the energy to do it. And then again the next day. Next thing I knew it was mid-Jan and the moment had passed. That ended up being emblematic of 2023, a year that wasn’t as tragic as some of our other recent years have been, but one that had a number of challenges and stagnation.
Layoffs and Career Doubts
I had ended 2022 surviving a round of layoffs at Meta, but lost my manager. And then I lost another one, and another one. It was a fun carousel of shifting priorities and no stability. Even with all of that, I went into 2023 really excited with my role at Meta. I had a full team that I loved and was enjoying being a manager. In a lot of ways, this was the role I had worked to get to for a long time in my career. But as good as my intentions were heading into the year, it only got harder and more stressful. I wasn’t in the moment at work or at home. I had a constant fear of being laid off, so I overcompensated at work to the point of burning myself out. Others at the company were doing the same thing so the environment at work was tense and it felt like everyone was elbowing past each other to prove who was worth keeping.
This has been documented all year, so I’m not breaking any news here, but it turns out that watching your colleagues across the tech industry experiencing layoffs while waiting to see if it will happen to you isn’t exactly the most healthy and productive way to live. I wrote about it when it happened to me. I remember drafting that post as the psychology of “surviving” layoffs and the guilt around that. Well, I didn’t have to worry about that because I ended getting laid off and a whole other set of feelings came over me.
It hasn’t been easy since that day in mid-April. Sure, I got a great severance package and our insurance was covered for the rest of the year, but the psychology of losing a job that I had worked hard for was more difficult than I expected. That’s on top of entering the job market the same time as all the others who had unfortunately been laid off as well. I wrote about that as well (aptly titled after the Billie Eilish song that featured in the Barbie Movie).
Imposter Syndrome & Burnout
As an adult, you don’t always have a lot to hang your hat on. Being a parent is always a challenge. You could be killing it but still feel like a total failure because your kids never really stop growing up and facing new challenges (more on that in a bit). So whether you are a parent or not, adults tend to hang their hat on their work or the equivalent. For me, particularly since I became a parent 13 years ago, having a steady job and supporting my family financially has been a big part of my identity. The fact that I’ve been able to do that while also doing work I enjoy has been a blessing. But this year, as I went through every application, every interview, and every rejection I started to lose the confidence that I was any good at any of this. Even with the knowledge that the market is saturated and that the hiring process is an absolute disaster (more on that in a future post), it’s nearly impossible to not get down when you read the 100th rejection email.
During the times I’d try to spin this whole experience as a positive, I often tried to direct myself toward having more time to focus on my hobbies or things that enrich me. In some cases I did that - I learned a bit about music production and started writing songs again, I went on hikes with Liz and the dogs, I started writing here again. - but I wasn’t consistent enough with anything. I didn’t anticipate the toll of being laid off and having to continuously apply and interview for jobs. At times I’d be working a contract job while still looking for full time work, which essentially equalled 2 full time jobs. And even when I wasn’t working and focused only on job searching, I spent the rest of my time reviewing our finances and making sure we’d be okay. There’s also a strain that comes from putting all your energy toward something where the finish line keeps moving further out. Every time I went through a full set of interview rounds hopeful for an offer, I inevitably got rejected.
That repetitive failure was the hardest part. It’s like rolling the boulder up the hill over and over again. And the few job offers I’ve had have been for contract roles and in one case a job that was a terrible fit and not something I could continue doing (it was a rare situation where working and making money in a bad environment was actually worse than job searching). Being so close to a more long-term job so many times only to have to reset my expectations was easily my biggest challenge in 2023. And as much as I wish I could’ve said it was resolved heading into 2024, it wasn’t. But hopefully soon.
Family Updates
On the family front, we’ve had a lot of change as well. Our son ‘D’ started identifying and presenting as a boy. He and his sister ‘Z’ both turned 12 and started middle school. Our son ‘H’ is somehow in 4th grade! Our daughter ‘I’ started 2nd grade and piano lessons. Our youngest son ‘P’ is in his last year of preschool and ABA and has progressed with his speech brilliantly. Our youngest kid is 5 and our two oldest are 12 which is crazy in itself. The baby/toddler days are over (we changed our last diaper in 2023!) and the teenage years are beginning. We never pretended to be ready for the teenage years but they certainly bring lots of surprises on top of what you’d expect.
And while I’ve been stagnant on the career front, Liz is kicking hers off. She’s starting school to be a vet assistant this week! She took the steps to do something she wanted to do which is as brave and courageous a thing you can do when you’ve had to be a mom to 5 kids, 3 dogs, and 2 cats and put aside your own ambitions for so long.
Speaking of dogs… we got another one! We lost our little guy Neville in 2022 and went into 2023 with Penny and Captain, our two Goldens. Near the end of the year, we fostered our friend’s dogs but ran into some difficulties and had to bring them to a shelter (they both have since been adopted to families). This whole situation was difficult on Liz and the kids, and pretty soon I knew we’d be adding a 3rd dog back into our family. Liz put together a list of adoptable dogs and one stood out in particular to me. We ended up visiting the dog I had initially liked (I’m taking full credit for this, yes) and he played well with Penny and Captain and the kids. A week later, Nova was home with us.
Some other random tidbits from the year:
Liz traveled more than I did this year. She took a trip to California to see her friend’s graduation in May. I didn’t have a job for much of the year so I didn't get my usual opportunities to travel for work. After trips to New York and California in 2022, I was in Colorado all of 2023. I hope to change that this year.
The kids tried a variety of activities. ‘D’ and ‘Z’ played basketball in the beginning of the year and I got to coach, but it didn’t stick. I’m still waiting for one of my kids to stick to sports so I can be a coach dad.
‘Z’ started choir in middle school and is really good at it, she loves to sing. ‘D’ plays the bass in orchestra which is pretty cool to watch. We try not to talk too much about it because he tends to want to drop an interest if we take too much of an interest in it (teenagers, right?).
‘I’ has been playing piano all year and has also tried dance, gymnastics, and basketball. She likes all of them but music seems to be her thing so we are sticking with that and exploring more next year.
‘P’ is weirdly good at video games. But he’s also the most expressive, daredevil kid you could meet. He’s down for almost anything and a joy to be around (most of the time).
Liz got into houseplants and they filled our home this year. She also spent a lot of time painting with the kids. Both of these hobbies were messy but brought a lot of creativity and aesthetic to our home.
We actually had a pretty active summer and fall - swimming at the reservoir with the dogs and the kids, going on hikes in Boulder and near Estes Park, going to a few pumpkin patches in Longmont, seeing double rainbows from our car, and taking halloween pictures on a secret trial in Lyons.
Liz and I went to the Taylor Swift Eras tour which was awesome! It was the first concert we’ve attended since 2018 and it couldn’t have been a better experience.
Resolutions
Which brings me back to gratitude. This year was hard but I admire what we do have and am proud of the way we all fought to keep our heads up. Sometimes moving forward requires staying still for a bit.
But as I think of resolutions for 2024, the first thing that comes to mind is that I am done standing still. I learned perseverance and gratitude and patience in 2023, but in 2024 I intend to move forward. Some personal goals I have for myself:
Write more
Songs, newsletters, case studies, whatever comes to me. I wrote so much about my career issues last year and would like to focus on the many other things I find interesting.
Create more space for my brain to pursue things I love
With so much of my time wrapped up in job searching, I lost so much energy toward music and writing and other things I love to do. I want to get better at piano, guitar, and music production. I want to actually release music this year.
Get healthy
2023 took a toll on my physical health by way of my mental health. I gained weight. I stopped exercising as much as I should. I ate poorly. I slept poorly. I did my best but I intend to be better this year. I walk the dogs daily but I need to do more in terms of exercise. I need to actively remind myself to eat and sleep better, or else all the bad habits will come back.
Get out
I want to travel and experience more things in 2024. I’ve mentioned traveling again, but I also want to attend more concerts, explore Colorado, go to more events with my family. I want to live a bit more out loud in 2024 after spending a year in what feels like hibernation.
Live and Love with Intention
I spent so much of the last year trying to keep my head above water that I often felt disengaged from life around me. I’ve lost people close to me in the last few years and it didn’t feel good being so caught up in my own issues that I put aside relationships with family and friends. I want to be more present and engaged in the world around me.
So that’s 2023. An unspectacular, but important year. I’ll look back on this year and be happy if it ends up being a stepping stone to greater things. To 2023! May you give way to a better 2024!